First Draft

This is our first draft, our final draft is going to be adapted quite a lot however this shows our stages of development and we thought you may want to take a look.

New idea

After gaining positive and negative feedback we have chosen to improve our overall piece by putting our feedback into play. We have drawn up a storyboard of our new opening and are re-filming this weekend.We are using more close up's to increase tention and increasing the pace of the running to make it more believable.We have got into contact with a local musician and are recording a classical piece tailored to the moments of fear and suspense in our opening. 

Initial narrative

This is our initial narrative:

1. We start with a black screen, fading into a girl looking round the car park with a torch. All you can see is a basic outline of a girl, holding keys also, the torch light is flashing round the screen.
2. She is running through this dimly lit car park, looking around her very scared as if something is chasing her. She runs to her car and struggles to fit the key in the lock, her hands are shaking and she is very scared.
3. A shot of her keys is shown as we see her drop her keys on the floor within her panic.They are under the car.
4. We then cut to a bathroom scene. We see a women in a bath (but do not see her face) and we see her painting her nails a dark red. There is a laptop on the loo, watching CCTV which is an online game.
5. We then cut back to the eerie car park and there is a shot looking under a car to see keys and her hand reaching for them. But then another hand reaches across and grabs her hand.
6. We then cut to the back to the bathroom scene and see the woman picking at her skin which makes it bleed- the blood drips down her arm and she watches it drip down into the water and spell out our title 'Immersed'.
7. It then cuts back to the car park to see a creepy smiling man looking at her from under the car.
8. It then cuts back to the bathroom where the woman is in her towel getting out of the bath, she goes to the laptop- it then zooms into one of the CCTV screens of a girl on the screen. On the CCTV screen we see the girl lying dead next to the car and her neck is bruised where she has been strangled to death.
9. After realising it is her lying dead in the car park (the audience does not yet know that it is her, apart from subtle hints throughout).
10. It cuts back where the girl in the bathroom is stressing out and switches the laptop off immediately. 
11.  In the suddenly black screen reflection we see her face and she is the girl from the car park and behind her is the same man from the underneath of the car.
12. The screen goes black and the credits role.

Story line

STORY LINE
We drew inspiration from other films when developing our story line yet wanted to produce something that hasn't been done before, avoiding the usual horror story cliches. We knew we wanted to produces a psychological horror so at first we focused researching Japanese horror, from there we watched the films in our previous blog post to see how "jumpy" moments were delivered and what was effective to the audience. The following were are three ideas after the brainstorms on our previous posts:

1. Set in a Car Park, a girl is being followed by a stalker. She is running on the phone scared and there is a black out.We hear breathing/whimpers and then zoom into her rocking in a corner. She hears a click and gets up, finding a Polaroid camera. Within this she see's a photo of her with a man behind her, turns round and see's he is there again, black out. 
2. Set in a Maze, a man is being chased round and he is bloodied and bruised. We are proposed a question as the audience member whether the person chasing him is real or his mental illness is making him paranoid. We will hint throughout, leading the audience to believe the man chasing his is  fake. Yet at the end the man running is tapped on the shoulder, and slowly turns round. 
3. Set in a Carpark and bathroom, there is a laptop sitting on a toilet and a lady listening to classical music in the bath. On the screen a women is being slowly taunted then murdered with jumpy events throughout, it is portrayed as a game. It is a CCTV camera filming. When the game on the laptop shows "Game over" the lady in the bath looks into the laptop, her reflection shows she is the women who has just been killed, we then see another  reflection of the person behind her. We jump from the two scenes throughout. 

VIDEO MONTAGE OF OUR RESEARCH INTO JAPANESE HORROR

Story and mood boarding

Within our lessons we have created an initial story board for our film opening. We also created a mood board.